The Unknowable

“We are not content with life, with the limits that the present and the possible press upon us, but we strive and strain for something or other, we know not what.”

John D. Caputo, On Religion

No one knows, if they are honest. Humans are drawn to religion by the natural fears of life: death, loneliness, doubt, and lack of purpose, among other things. It seems easy to choose a religious tradition, cling to it, commit to it, and place all one’s fears in that religious box to be calmed by those religious teachings. It is easier to not question, and to simply go along with the flow and stay comfortable, than to doubt, and begin walking in a different spiritual direction into the unknown or foreign. I choose to question, to study, to critique, and to wonder.

I’ve been told there is an absolutely true and right religion, and all others are false. I can’t reconcile this. I’ve tried, but in a world of such beauty, plurality, diversity, and change, how can some good things (religious practices) be essentially bad (not of a particular religion, therefore not good enough)? I know that writing these words will upset many people in my life; people who believe in an absolute and think that those who think differently are going to a place called hell. I don’t mind if people have something to say, but I know that at the end of the day, when no one is around, everyone doubts. Everyone has a moment where they are seized with fear over the mysteries of  existence. No one truly knows.

This blog will now be bits and pieces of my spiritual journey, and how I interpret experiences, books, theories, and ideas along the way. As I am weeks away from receiving a degree in Religious Studies, and months away from entering into graduate studies, I have and will continue to wrestle with numerous questions and thoughts on the issue of spirituality and religion. I would love feedback, questions, comments, and so on, as long as they are thoughtful.

Embracing Terror

There is nothing more freeing and enlightening than questioning everything you’ve ever been told. Pick up the things that are ingrained within your mind and smash them on the ground. Step back and take a look at the structure in your life; and see through its walls of oppression. Say things out loud that you’ve been told to say in your head and think about how ridiculous they sound.

Imagine the ways you could have flourished if you would have known it was possible. Imagine your life with no walls.

Think of your deepest fears. Are they even real? Have they been created to confine you in a place of defeat?

Refuse to accept things that don’t make sense. Refuse to live for the happiness of someone else, when you know your life is gravitating in a different direction. Refuse to be told what your limitations are, and what your convictions should be. Refuse to be held down socially, intellectually, and spiritually.

When the voices of those around you are too loud, walk away. Sit in the silence. Embrace the terror of not being sure what life is. Embrace the insecurity of not knowing who you are. Then figure it out.

Throughout all the generations of this world, people have sat in the silent terror just like you. They have pondered the unknowns. Some have decided they know the answers. I don’t think anyone does.

In the chaos of not knowing, love.

Love yourself, love everyone around you, love the stranger, love the animal, love the plant, love anything that is alive. See where this takes you. See what walls are destroyed. See what fears are diminished. See what questions are answered. Some are bound to be, because you were created for love. When your purpose is being fulfilled, things begin to make sense.

 

 

Religion and Why It Should Be Taught in High School

Understanding religion is fundamental to understanding human existence. Yet, it is not taught in secondary educational institutions. It is feared, avoided, and set aside to be taught within private schools ran by specific denominations with obvious theological and philosophical biases. There are many definitions of religion, but I will attempt to explain it as being a system of beliefs, practices, rituals, and ideals that are organized and recognized as sacred by its adherents, who consider themselves a community in agreement with their specific beliefs and traditions. I find religion as a more social object, instead of something personal and abstract. One’s personal spirituality may not fit into the definition of an organized religion.

Religion is a powerful social entity; it shapes communities, educational institutions, economies, families, individual psyches, and so forth. When a group of religious individuals works toward a common goal, it can make drastic moves in either a positive or negative direction; from making huge donations to humanitarian work to causing deadly, disastrous wars.

Religion has so much power because it is embedded in the very being of religious adherents. Those who are a part of a religion usually consider it to be something that defines who they are, something that affects the way they live, and something that determines how they look at the world and everyone in it. Religion shapes the way people see themselves as well.

Religious education in secondary schools is feared because, I believe, that parents and communities do not want their children to see the world differently than themselves. They do not want their child to come home and ask difficult questions about the religious tradition that their family has been a part of for many generations. They do not want their children to stray too far from whatever defines “normal” in their environment.

The problem with this is that the world is much bigger than the family unit. The world is much bigger than the community a child grows up in. The child that is sheltered and brainwashed into thinking there is one, definite way to see the world and understand themselves will be shocked and confused when they enter the world as a college student or young professional. Yes, parents should be the primary ones to guide children to a certain religious belief or not one at all, but living in the United States, a democratic society, all students should have access to learning about the diverse religious communities that live alongside them as fellow American citizens.

Students who have a good understanding of world religions are more useful in society, locally and globally. Instead of being fueled by fear and misunderstanding, they are empowered by knowledge and understanding. Imagine a world where those of different religions work together to feed the poor, instead of demonizing each other, leading to hatred and violence.

Religion connects with all other aspects of study, and yet it is not allowed its own space to be analyzed by students. Religion affects the way one views science and scientific principles and theories. Religion has been the cause of or an aspect of almost every major historical event in history. It has caused wars and genocides, established nations and geographical and political boundaries, impacted governmental processes and institutions, inspired literary, musical, and artistic masterpieces, impacted the rise of notable speakers, philosophers, geographers, kings, businessmen, scientists, authors, and so forth. Religion is not something to ignore. Religion is something that students will have to come face-to-face with at some point in their life. It is also inaccurately portrayed in the media and in biased educational spaces. There needs to be a serious change in the way public schools see religion and it needs to be considered an important subject for all young people to have a basic knowledge of.

I could write about this forever, but I won’t. Here are some valuable articles and links with great information on this issue and why it is important.

 

“We Must Teach about Religion in High Schools”, by Joseph Laycock 

“How Americans Feel About Religious Groups”, Pew Research

U.S. Religious Knowledge Quiz, Pew Research

Religion in Public Schools PDF, Pew Research

“Public schools shouldn’t preach. But they should teach kids about religion.” by Linda K. Wertheimer

“To Teach or Not to Teach?”, by Cynthia N. Dunbar

“The Dangers of Religious Education in Public Schools” by Annie Laurie Gaylor

TED talks on Religion

 

 

#I’mAChristianBut

A few days ago, a Buzzfeed video started circulating which featured a few Christians explaining that they are not homophobic, judgmental or the type of crazy Christian portrayed by the media.

Here is the link: I’m A Christian But…

A few of the people in the video said,

“I’m a Christian…”

1) …”but I do believe in science, in fact I think science makes God look really cool.”

2) …”but I am a feminist.”

3) …”but I have friends from all walks of life and different religions, and I love them all.”

Some things they said when asked what they wanted people to know about Christianity were:

“A lot of people think Christianity ruins people, but to me I think it’s people that are ruining Christianity, you never really see the good that happens, you only see the hypocrites, and the people who put themselves on a higher pedestal.”

“But at its core it’s really about love and acceptance and being a good neighbor.”

When I finished watching it, I thought it was great. Yes, there were some things said that could be debated and talked about in more detail, but the overall message was positive. It was full of things that I have to tell people all the time, because most of my friends are not Christians. Thankfully I’ve been able to be an example of Jesus to them: eating, drinking, talking and simply living life alongside them–and I love it.

Now I will address each quote mentioned above:

Quote # 1 : Amen! Science does make God look really cool. There shouldn’t be some kind of rivalry or “us vs. them” attitude between Christianity and science. The Big Bang Theory, String Theory, and the Theory of Evolution are THEORIES, just like Creationism. Therefore, we all can have different ideas about the origins of existence and still respect each other. Science is interesting, amazing, complex and mysterious. If you believe in God, it does make him look extremely awesome and talented. Science & God can and do go together.

Quote # 2 : Feminism, in the form of social, economic and political equality is exactly what God wants for women. While on earth, Jesus elevated women above societal norms in ways that were offensive! Jesus had dinner with prostitutes, healed untouchable women, chose to appear to women first after his resurrection in a time and place where women were not considered reliable witnesses, included women in his ministry, and so on. Many times in the Old Testament, the role of women in the creation of Israel was vital. Here is a good blog pointing out a few ways Jesus was an advocate for women: Top 4 Reasons Jesus is My Favorite Feminist

Quote # 3 : That’s awesome. One thing that bothers me is how many Christians only associate with Christians. If we live by the example of Jesus, we should be doing life with people that need the gospel. We are called to love our neighbor and our enemy. That means we should be friends with and care for people who are gay, straight, transgender, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, liberal, conservative, poor and wealthy. What it means to love people of all different walks of life is not simply a nice thing to say, where you see them once in a while, and keep them around just to claim them as your “Muslim” friend or your “gay” friend so you seem nice and tolerant. To love them means to speak up for them, defend them, give your time to them, pray for them, and sacrifice things for them.

My point is, those who are mad about this, and reacting in hateful ways are proving the point of the video–that there are plenty of judgmental and obnoxious Christians out there–but not everyone is like that.

Can’t we all just love each other?

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”  Micah 6:8

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” Luke 6:31

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples; if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

“And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, ‘Which commandment is the most important of all?’ Jesus answered, ‘The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.’ And the scribe said to him, ‘You are right, Teacher. You have truly said that he is one, and there is no other besides him. And to love him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.’ And when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, ‘You are not far from the kingdom of God.'” Mark 12:28-35

The Church Failed Me

Growing up in Sunday School, I was taught that everything in the Bible is historical fact and every word is literal. I was taught to never question the stories, never ask about the origins, and never doubt what it says. I was taught that if anyone ever questioned me, all I had to say was that “the Bible said so”, and that is a good enough answer. I didn’t even know basic things about how the Bible was written–by various scribes, translated from multiple languages, in thousands of manuscripts, with theological additions, disputed passages, and so on.

This semester, I am in a freshman level class called “History and Literature of the Old Testament”, and have noticed something unfortunate, but extremely relatable. Last year I took the New Testament version of this class, and noticed the same thing. The class is full of Bible-belt-raised middle class kids with a small worldview and no critical skills (I used to be one of them). When our professor begins to talk about things disputed in the Bible, its contradictions, its historical inaccuracy or questionable claims, the freshman look bewildered and confused. For the first time in their lives, someone is telling them that everything they thought they knew might be wrong. I can sense as I sit in the class that they have no idea what to think or say, and probably begin to doubt their faith, and doubt everything they’ve ever been taught.

All it takes is one convincing and charismatic professor to change a young person’s mind. All it takes is a few lectures, some evidence from a textbook, and some homework assignments to cause a freshman to completely denounce the religious ideas they were taught their whole lives.

I am excited that I see this happening. I am beyond happy that these students are being forced to figure out what they actually believe. I am glad that for once they have to think for themselves.

However, I am beyond angry that the church and the religious culture I was raised in never prepared me for reality. I am frustrated that on this educational journey I have been left helpless by the church. I entered college four years ago with no idea what I was doing. I entered with enough church vocabulary to think that I could defend myself or figure spiritual matters out on my own, but that was not what happened. I began to think that God wasn’t real, religion was a joke, and Christians were idiots.

In the last few years, after traveling the world and figuring things out for myself, I have my own faith that I can say I am convinced of. However, I still have to face scholarly arguments, books, professors, ideas and theories that make me question and wonder about certain issues. The sad part is, I don’t feel like I can turn to any knowledge I gained growing up in church to help me answer these questions. Blind faith doesn’t suffice in an educational setting.

The church, families, and religious educational institutions need to stop failing the children they raise. They need to prepare kids and teens for criticism and questioning. But this should not be done with an “us v. them” attitude–there is nothing wrong with secular education or scholarly criticism. Being challenged is good–it either strengthens your faith or breaks you down–which may lead you to reexamine and choose a different path–and that could be the right path for you. Young people need to be brought up with a realistic view of their religion. They need to be taught different views, opinions, and traditions. They need to have answers for difficult questions.

Church: make some changes, or get used to young people turning away from the faith.

Educate them–don’t indoctrinate them.

How Raj Kumar Showed Me Jesus

We arrived in Vijayawada, India, in the middle of the night. I was exhausted from our extremely long journey. I was with 20-some people and we were supposed to spend the next month with Raj Kumar, who had an orphanage and other ministries that we were going to visit and serve. We were met in the parking lot of the train station with two jeeps, and a highly energetic, friendly, and excited man named Raj. He and his friends showered us with flower garlands and fed us chicken sandwiches (sort of like Chick-Fil-A…but not really). He took us to the place that we would be staying; it was clean, comfortable, and in a beautiful apartment building overlooking the nearby city. We loved it. Then, the next day, Raj told us we had to pack up and leave because the Hindus living there knew we were Christians, and didn’t want us there. For the next few days, this happened every day. We would unpack in a new location, and then hours later Raj would tell us we needed to leave again. Eventually, we had to stay in Raj’s small church building where he was the Pastor. It was small, concrete, hot, and lizards, rats, and bugs were frequent visitors. To this point, Raj stressed me out. His high energy, lack of sense of time, lack of organization, and simply his personality was too much for me to handle. I had decided in my heart that I didn’t like him, even though he was nothing but hospitable and kind to me and our whole team. I had decided to shut down around him and not talk to him.

That day, I was sitting outside the small building, by myself, and began to have an anxiety attack. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t stop crying, and this led to village people finding me and staring at me, obviously trying to help, but it made me panic even more. At this point, we had been traveling throughout Nepal and India for weeks, and I had been through a lot of culture shock, I had been through dangerous situations, and I had begun to miss toilets, first-world luxuries and my family. It was getting difficult to live out of a backpack. I couldn’t handle the instability of our situation in the days before, and I just needed a break from reality. I wanted to be alone in a quiet place, but as you might guess, India is not quiet and there are people everywhere. My friend found me and took me inside Raj’s one-room home, sat me down, and talked with me. When Raj and his wife Chinni found out that I was upset, they came in the room with fresh coffee for me. I remember Raj being so concerned with how I was feeling, and kept trying to make things better. He and his wife did not leave until I had begun to breathe normal and relax. After this experience, Raj went out of his way to take care of me. He and Chinni made sure I was okay constantly, and were very concerned for me.

God began to change my heart. Our situation started to stabilize. I started to realize that I was a jerk. The reasons I didn’t like Raj began to seem pathetic. I watched him as he passionately taught the villagers about Jesus. I watched him as he carried his beautiful daughters around, glowing with pride to be their father. I watched as he treated his wife like a queen, and the look on his face when he told us the story of how they fell in love was beyond adorable. I began to realize how much Raj sacrificed daily to take care of the children of the orphanage he ran. For most of these kids, Raj was their father figure and sole protector. He was so proud to tell of all their accomplishments in school, and the things they were learning in the Bible. He started his days extremely early, and did not rest until everything was taken care of. He always made sure my team and I had the things we needed.

As the weeks went by, Raj and I became good friends. A couple of my friends and I repainted his house for him. We spent all our days traveling throughout the neighboring villages with him. By the end of our time with Raj, I had a deep respect for him and a love for him as my brother in Christ. The person that I selfishly and shallowly decided to avoid had become a friend I would have for life. He radiated Jesus. He radiated selflessness. He was an inspiration and a cornerstone in his village and in surrounding communities.

When I returned to the United States, Raj and I kept in touch. I became a monthly partner in supporting the Pillalu House, the home he ran for children in need. We talked on Facebook all the time, and he would update me on how the children were doing and be the messenger of good wishes between his wife Chinni and I. He would send me awesome letters and greetings every Christmas season, and artwork that the Pillalu children made for me. We would always let each other know we were praying for each other’s lives and ministries.

I was planning on going to visit him and his family in India sometime soon, and bring my family along. However, in the past few weeks, our communication was not as frequent, and as I later found out, he was battling serious health issues. Two days ago, Raj passed away and went home to be with Jesus. My heart is broken for his family, friends, and the children he took care of at the Pillalu House. His death is such a tragedy; so many peoples’ lives were changed by his ministries. He dedicated his life to serving, preaching, teaching, and loving everyone he encountered.

It still doesn’t seem real that he is gone, but I know that God is still in control. I wanted to share this story of how we became friends, because to me it shows that when you let God change your attitude about people, there are unseen blessings that could come out of the friendship. God can take people with different personalities and backgrounds to accomplish His work. I am so thankful that God gave me Raj and his family. Even though Raj was in my life for a short time, he showed me what it looks like to fearlessly and passionately dedicate one’s life to loving and serving others.

My hope is that some of you reading this will be compelled to pray for and possibly financially help Raj’s wife and daughters, or the children of the Pillalu House. They lost a great man and have many challenges ahead. I pray that his legacy is never forgotten in his small village in southern India and throughout the world.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

Life and Death is More Than Statistics

Over 7,000 human beings in Nepal, India, Tibet, and surrounding areas died in the past week.

A human being in Baltimore was killed.

Two human beings were shot dead in Texas.

Around 300 human beings were murdered in Iraq a few days ago.

2 human beings will die every second of every minute of every hour today.

These people stopped breathing and ceased to exist. Their hearts quit beating, their blood quit flowing, their brains quit functioning. All of the biological processes that had been sustaining their lives simply stopped. Their souls, innermost being, jivana, consciousness, or whatever you would like to call it, passed on into a new state, a new dimension of the universe. Because of my faith, I believe each one of these souls entered into the presence of their Creator, or a place of eternal separation from Him.

These are human beings, whom God created in His own likeness. They were living things with thoughts, desires, feelings, dreams, aspirations, struggles, talents, and ideas. They were black, white, Muslim, Hindu, guilty and innocent.

How dare we decide which deaths are more saddening than others, or which deaths are not that big of deal compared to another’s death. How dare we try to justify killing members of ISIS with not one thought about their soul, their eternal destination, and the love that God has for them. How dare we consider it a victory that two gunmen were shot in Texas, without thinking of their families, the problems they were dealing with, and the fact that God gave them life. How dare we look at news articles depicting the devastation in Nepal, seeing the growing numbers of victims, and simply comment that it is sad. It is more than sad.

I find it disgusting that living and dying doesn’t seem to phase people these days.

Everyone on this earth needs to be reminded of the amazing value that life itself holds. Every single living being, especially humans, exist for a reason. Yes, death is inevitable. Yes, the Bible is full of examples where war is justified. But, if we can be more at peace with each other, and not encourage death or make it seem like just a statistic, what a beautiful world we would live in. How amazing would it be if people thought more about others and their unique contribution to the world.

As a believer, I would rather die than see someone who doesn’t know Christ die. I would hope that in any situation, if it was my life or another’s, I would give up my own–because I know who my soul belongs to, and where I will be for eternity–but I don’t know about anyone else’s. We should be advocates for protecting others’ lives. We should be completely against war, violence and revenge unless the situation deems it absolutely necessary (and usually it is NOT). We should encourage others to see and realize the value in their lives and the hope that humans have for life that never ends.

We should be heartbroken when we hear of ANY loss of life, WHEREVER it is in the world, and WHOEVER the victims are. Not one human’s life is more or less significant than another’s. Not one human’s death is more or less significant than another’s.

Let’s learn to love the fact that we are all alive, and learn to speak life into others.

I Was Just Doing Homework

I was just doing homework. That’s it. Reading a small passage from a book on the writings of John Calvin, filling out answers on a worksheet, and I was suddenly so humbled and in awe of God, that I couldn’t stop re-reading these words:

“Moreover, although our mind cannot apprehend God without rendering some honor to Him, it will not suffice simply to hold that there is One whom all ought to honor and adore, unless we are also persuaded that He is the fountain of every good, and that we must seek nothing elsewhere than in Him.

This I take to mean that not only does He sustain this universe (as He once founded it) by His boundless might, regulate it by His wisdom, preserve it by His goodness, and especially rule the human race by his righteousness and judgement, bear with it in His mercy, watch over it by His protection; but also that no drop will be found either of wisdom and light, or of righteousness or power or rectitude, or of genuine truth, which does not flow from Him, and of which He is not the cause.

Thus we may learn to await and seek all these things from Him, and thankfully to ascribe them, once received, to Him.”

(John Calvin, The Knowledge of God the Creator)

1. God sustains the universe by his boundless might, regulates it by his wisdom, preserves it by His goodness: With his own breath he keeps the stars oscillating at rapid rates per second, he keeps the earth rotating on its axis in perfect timing, and keeps all the delicate chemical balances in the universe in check, while making sure microscopic cellular processes are continuing to occur in every living thing. The fact that the universe doesn’t completely explode or disappear or freeze in time is only due to His power. I don’t care how smart or powerful we humans think we are, we are completely at the mercy of a power that is greater than even our minds can comprehend. It is only because God is good that you are breathing right now.

2. God rules the human race by his righteousness and judgement, bears with it in His mercy, watches over it by His protection: God is so extremely good that he is completely just, even when our simple, selfish minds don’t understand it. The world is full of unspeakable evils, pain, suffering, and so forth, but it is also full of mind-blowing beauty, love, creation, and enjoyment. The amount of mercy and protection that God has overflowed on the human race is astronomical, and the amount of mercy and protection that God has overflowed on humans individually, including me, is something that should bring someone to their knees in awe. I deserve absolutely no mercy or protection, but yet I have an immeasurable amount being poured over me daily.

3. No drop will be found either of wisdom and light, or of righteousness or power or rectitude, or of genuine truth, which does not flow from Him, and of which He is not the cause: All beauty, all truth, all love, all peace, all gifts, all joys, all things that one can say are “good” are straight from God himself, as a gift, not because we deserve it, but because he simply wants to give it. The only reason you have enough intelligence to read these words right now is because God is good and has given you that ability as a gift. The only reason that chocolate tastes freaking delicious is because God is good and has given that to humans as a gift. The only reason that there are good relationships that are fulfilling, full of love and happiness, is because God is good and has given that to you as a gift. The only reason that there is any truth in the world, whether it be scientific proof, general knowledge, mathematical formulas that never fail, and so on, is because God is good and gave these things to us as gifts. Name anything that is real, true, good, positive, and so forth, and that is straight from the breath of God’s love.

Knowing this indescribable God is the purpose of our lives. There is nothing else we were created to do, but to know Him.

Basically, get over yourself and remember who is allowing you to be alive right now.

The Experience I’ve Never Been Able to Explain

When I was in Southern India in January of 2013, I experienced something that was so intense, terrifying, beautiful and insane that for so long, I had trouble telling the story. The people who were with me when it happened also had trouble putting their thoughts into words. I’ve decided to write it down, and include every detail I can remember. It’s been years, but I still see flickers of memories of that night sometimes. I never want to forget it.

I was with three other girls in a train station in Vijayawada, India, just walking along the tracks, trying to find the restrooms. We had a few hours to kill time at the station while we were waiting for our next train. On our way to the restroom doors, we saw a person. This person was excruciatingly skinny; cheeks sunk in, bones sticking out. We couldn’t tell if it was a man or woman, but finally realized it was a woman when she sat down very unladylike. She was wearing a feces-stained white shirt, and no pants or shoes. Her hair was almost shaved completely. Her eyes were bulging out of her head, with a crazed, possessed look in her eyes. She moved around like an animal. I had seen a fair share of poverty and sickness already–we had been in Nepal and India for almost two months by then–but this was truly shocking. Looking at this woman was something new and terrifying.

We stood there, staring, trying to figure out what to do. We didn’t know if she was possessed, or if she had some crazy disease. We prayed and decided we had to help her in some way. So we went to a nearby shop and bought a banana and a bottle of water. Two of us stayed a few feet away to pray over the situation, while the other two girls walked up to the woman to give her the food and water. I watched as my friends approached her (I was too afraid to go first). She spoke no language that was understandable to anyone around. She took a bite of the banana, but immediately defecated uncontrollably. As my friends were trying to help her, I realized that a small crowd had gathered around me and my friend. They asked us for healing prayer. I don’t know how they knew, but they wanted prayer for various things. We prayed for each person’s injuries, sicknesses, anxiety, stress, and other things as they came up to us. During this time, I met a 12 year old boy, who had no parents or family, and he lived at the train station. After I prayed for him, he stayed by my side and didn’t leave.

When I finally looked up from praying for the people, I was shocked to see a huge crowd surrounding us and our friends with the woman. I decided to go up to them and pray over the woman with them. I walked towards her, and when I was just a few inches from her, she turned her head and looked straight in my eyes. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. I felt the evil spirit within her look at me. Then, I instantly felt a surge of strength as I realized that I had power and authority over whatever it was that inhabited her body. I didn’t know what to say or do, so I just looked right back into her eyes and said “Jesus” over and over again. I remember my friend asking a bystander about the woman and if anyone knew her; the man said that she had been in this train station for many years and had AIDS or a similar disease. Everyone avoided her–until now–and people were crowded around, taking pictures and videos of us. We told them to put the phones down, and that we weren’t doing it for attention, that we just wanted to help her.

We sat down next to the woman and kept praying and trying to talk to her. She slowly calmed down, started breathing more slowly and acting more humanely. It was as if our prayers were actually working–our prayers were defeating the enemy causing this woman to be unapproachable. I can’t explain the change I saw in her eyes, but whatever evil was in her, had left. When I looked into her eyes again, she seemed calm. Then my friend did the unspeakable; she put her arms around the feces-covered woman and hugged her. The woman seemed to immediately be at peace. She held on to my friend. In that moment, I realized this woman probably had not been touched or treated kindly in years. She had probably forgotten what it was like to feel loved by another human being. We then all laid hands on her (at this point, we didn’t care about germs), and prayed for her one last time. We had to meet back up with our group and board our train to Delhi. There was nothing else we could do for her, and we knew she would probably be dead soon. We had to walk away, and the crowds dispersed.

I didn’t know how to explain what had happened. We tried to tell our group, but no explanation could do it justice. We spent the rest of the evening with the 12 year old orphan that I met while praying for him. My friend bought him cake to eat, and even though the train station police tried to drag the terrified boy away from our group (they didn’t want untouchables messing with white tourists), we spoke to the officers and they allowed him to stay with us. We stayed together until we had to get on our train. The look in the boy’s eyes when we had to leave him was very upsetting. He was lonely, scared and helpless. And he was being left again. I watched him walk away into the dark alleys of the station, and my heart broke.

Now I see that boy’s face and that woman’s eyes all the time. The thing I learned from this is that Jesus just wants love to be poured out on anyone and everyone–no matter how disgusting they look, how poor they are, how scary it may seem. Jesus created that woman, and even though I don’t know the circumstances that led her to end up like that, it doesn’t matter. I believe God sent us to her to show her a few minutes of love and care. I believe that someone in the huge crowd of bystanders was affected by God’s power in that moment. I believe that if my 12 year old friend is still alive, God is watching over him. I don’t know where these two people are in the world, but my God does. I am forever thankful that he allowed me to experience this night in the Indian train station. It changed my life.

Why I Study Buddhism

Towards the end of 2011, I found myself in Kathmandu, Nepal, with my YWAM outreach team. Culture shock doesn’t even begin to explain how that city affected me. Our team stayed in Boudha, Kathmandu, which was home to the Boudhanath Stupa, one of the largest Buddhist sites in the country of Nepal. Every day, I walked around the large, circular monument, surrounded by small souvenir shops and restaurants. I watched Buddhist devotees spin prayer wheels on the wall of the stupa and make their rounds of veneration. I smelled the distinct incense that filled the air. I watched young monks with shaved heads, wearing long red robes, laugh and talk with their friends (and text on their iPhones). It was like nothing I had seen before. I was told this was a Buddhist shrine, and thousands visited daily to show their devotion to the Buddha. This was my first encounter with Buddhism.

A month later, I found myself in New Delhi, India, staying in a Tibetan refugee area of town called Majnu ka Tilla. There, I met some of the kindest young people in the world. They were working at the Students for a Free Tibet office, dedicating their time to raising awareness of the Chinese takeover happening in Tibet. We spent many days with these Tibetans, and learned so much about their lives, struggles and passions as young activists. As I learned more about the history of Tibet, I learned that Buddhism has been the traditional religion of Tibet, and it is deeply intertwined in their culture. That was my second encounter with Buddhism.

I am now a Religious Studies major at Missouri State University. Because of my travels abroad and other life experiences, I am passionate about learning of different religions than my own, and appreciating them. I feel that there is something to learn from every major faith, and Christians should know more about those around them that believe differently than them. In the past year, I have taken a few courses on East Asian religions (Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, Daoism) and have thoroughly enjoyed it.

Every time I mention what I am studying in college to a fellow Christian, I get weird looks and replies. People say, “Well that’s weird. Buddhists are weird”, or “Why would you want to study that? You’re a Christian”. The answer is this: How are you supposed to share the gospel with someone whom you have no idea what their convictions already are? Buddhists follow a path to enlightenment; freedom from the dukkha (suffering) in this world. Their goal is to escape the pain here on earth by understanding and following the Four Noble Truths that the Buddha taught his followers. They live each day focusing on being compassionate, taking care of all living things, building up merit (good karma), and learning to become unattached to things of this world. They teach the importance of aestheticism, which is denouncing worldly pleasures and passions. These ideas are not inherently wrong or bad. There are many things about Buddhism that I admire and think is valuable to practice and learn. Buddhism is a very peaceful religion. How do you tell peaceful and compassionate followers of a good teacher that they are wrong?

The one thing that I have realized is Buddhism’s downfall is that they do not believe in a soul, or inherent being that lives on eternally. For me, studying this idea was depressing. I can’t imagine going through life believing that I was really nothing at all and had no eternal purpose. I just can’t accept that idea. I know that there is something within me that makes me who I am; that is temporarily inhabiting my earthly body; and that is a part of a larger spiritual world. There is a part of me that will never die. That part of me is also protected by the Creator of the Universe; it belongs to Him and will never leave His hands.

I study Buddhism because I want to understand what millions of people in this world are convicted is true. I study Buddhism because I want to know how to approach sharing the message of hope that Jesus can give to a Buddhist. I respect and admire all of my Buddhist friends, monks, and professors, and my goal is not to prove them wrong or convert them. My goal is to understand, to love, to be there as an alternative voice.